日常生活

One of my brothers bought the game Rock Science and the three of us broke it in yesterday. It's a trivia board game with a Rock-theme and we quickly found out that neither of us is a Rock Scientist. A lot of the questions were super hard (or rather, they're about bands that neither of us listen to). To move your marker (which is a cool guitar pick) you have to answer a question correctly. Or - and this is what got us around the board - you "bet" that the player answering the question can't get it right (which happened about 90% of the time, even on the easier "Poser" questions).

Yeah, we suck.

Eventually I completed a lap around the board, just shy ahead of the others, winning the game. Woop! But rather than feeling victorious, I walked away from the table full of shame, feeling like a poser. Not worthy..

There are some additional rules with the game, such as a drinking game variant, which I'd like to try out some time. (Not that I see how that would make things any better)..

Star Map - Back in the days they didn't have GPS. Back in the days, before they had proper maps, people navigated using the stars. It's no wonder they eventually had to turn to technology to do it proper because they're going the wrong way... It's either that or, since they're pirates, they're waiting to ambush someone else following that star map. You never know with pirates..

Escape - While I sometimes feel like escaping, I imagine using more...reliable means of doing so. Still, taking a companion on an adventure sounds like a terrific idea.

+5 Sword of Critical Hits - "So uh, I'm attacking the Kobold Slinger, and.... I'll just move over here to.. I'll swing my sword and, let's see now.. I'm rolling... 1d8.... Plus... 5...? Yeah, plus 5.. And I deal.... Lemme see... 12 points of damage. Wooh yeah, take that you little twerp! How do you like that sword now? Hahaha ha hahaha..."

"12 points of damage doesn't seem so critical..."

I have depression. I never know how to bring this up with anyone. The fact that I don't like talking about myself on that a personal level doesn't help much. It sucks because there are several people I wish knew about it. (Partially because maybe it'd help explain why I'm being a dick some times). Writing this is a start though, I suppose. Baby steps.

I don't remember exactly, but I was 16-17 something when I was diagnosed with depression. (I can't remember if I was even "diagnosed", but I got medication and counseling for it, so probably, yeah?)

I wasn't on the medication for very long, not nearly as long as I probably should have been. Long story short, what happened was that I met a girl in a chatroom. We talked [almost] every day and she made me happy enough to decide to quit the meds (even against the counselors suggestions, hurr durr). Dunno what "damage" that caused, if any, but I was pretty happy for a while there, and that was all that mattered.

Still, it gradually went downhill and today, several years later, I'm back to feeling like shit most every day. Some days are worse than others, naturally. In a way, I've been depressed, on and off, for nearly half my life. That's a great fucking life, right there.

Not that long ago I was reflecting on the meds and how I probably would've had better use for them today than back then. Still, I don't really want to resort to medicine to fix things (even though that may be one of very few options).

Recently, in the last few weeks, I've started to feel a little better. I've been more happy and talkative than I have in several years. Feels kinda great, actually. The reason is, again, because of a girl. A woman, I suppose I should say - I'm getting fucking old..

Having depression is getting fucking old.

Talking to her have been really nice though, and have brought smiles I've rarely seen before (both hers and mine, and hers will melt a frozen heart). I don't know where this road leads, but I'm glad I ended up on it...