日常生活

Yes, why don't I update more often? The short version is 'because I'm a horrible blogger'. (The long version is pretty much the short version, only with emphasis on every word).

A few Plenty things have happened in the last two months and I've wanted to adress some of them in one way or other (but haven't, for one reason or other). Some short "notes" though, for the sake of trying to keep the blog alive, huh?

Let's start with Easter. Marie's stepmom invited me for dinner with Marie (of course), her dad, and the extended family. Apart from her stepmom I hadn't met any of them before. If you know me (and chances are you don't) you'll know that meeting new people is a bit of a torment. And there were more than just a few people. And there were kids. Kids scare me...

But I'll be honest, it went really well. I had a really good time (mostly because Marie were at my side practically the whole time, keeping me sane). The food was great - all except for the salmon; I don't like salmon. And Jebus, the amount of food. We ate dinner like three times and had cookies and cakes inbetween each meal and... Just Jebus, there's no way you're leaving on an empty stomach.

On May 1st we went to a sort-of-local farm & dairy (+castle and what have you) called Wapnö to watch (some of) their 1000+ strong "army of cows" being let outside for the summer after having been indoors over winter. Jittery creatures, those. Menacing things, really. But it was fun to watch. :-) We snapped a few pictures with Maries camera and I might talk her into sending me some of them so I can put them up here. Because they're like...cows.

It was a beautiful clear blue sky and we decided to take a little stroll in the park just outside the castle. Really lovely place. Neither of us thought to bring sunscrean though, so we got a little burned. I blush a lot, so no one hardly noticed..

The following Sunday Marie and I went and saw The Descendants in the local movie theater. Really sweet and touching movie that brought me to tears (partially because it was really sad, but also for reasons I won't go into here). I haven't been there a lot (or at all) in the last 15 or so years, but it's a really neat little theater. There's sadly not a lot of people showing up for the movies, for good and for bad; good, because you don't have to sit next to everyone in there if you don't want to (again, I'm not a huge fan of people in masses. People in general, really). Bad because eventually it may run out of business if no one's showing up. Marie really wants the theater to stay and tries to catch as many movies as she can (sort of, as long as they're good), and since we started going I sort of decided that yeah, if she wanna go watch a movie, I'll come to, if just to make sure the film could be shown (there's a minimum of 5 people in the audience or they won't show it).

Marie and I have been together for more than 5 months already. 5 months. Well, at the speed I'm writing it's closing in on 6 months, actually. That's an insane amount of time, especially concidering who SHE'S dating (eh - me). I admire her patience with me, I know I'm not the easiest person to be around at times. I love her to bits though, because she makes me a better person. She's helped me cope with being around people and to be more open. (I'm not saying I'm always enjoying it, but at least I can handle it better than I could before).

My very own sun, wrapped in warm hugs and the cutest smile. I love you, Marie. I'm terrible at saying and showing how I feel, but you mean the world to me. I love you.<3

I don't write enough about the "real stuff" that's going on in my life. Shortly after I wrote Guess What I got an email from the woman I mentioned making me feel better. She had read what I wrote. (Oh! *blush*). We emailed a bit, back and forth during the following weeks. We talked and talked, and talked some more. We went for a long walk. Then we kissed in the rain..

That was two months ago, today. We've debated a bit back and forth, but I think we've settled on the day. ;-)

Happy two months, baby! :-) I love you so much. Here's to another two wonderful months, and more! ♥

I have depression. I never know how to bring this up with anyone. The fact that I don't like talking about myself on that a personal level doesn't help much. It sucks because there are several people I wish knew about it. (Partially because maybe it'd help explain why I'm being a dick some times). Writing this is a start though, I suppose. Baby steps.

I don't remember exactly, but I was 16-17 something when I was diagnosed with depression. (I can't remember if I was even "diagnosed", but I got medication and counseling for it, so probably, yeah?)

I wasn't on the medication for very long, not nearly as long as I probably should have been. Long story short, what happened was that I met a girl in a chatroom. We talked [almost] every day and she made me happy enough to decide to quit the meds (even against the counselors suggestions, hurr durr). Dunno what "damage" that caused, if any, but I was pretty happy for a while there, and that was all that mattered.

Still, it gradually went downhill and today, several years later, I'm back to feeling like shit most every day. Some days are worse than others, naturally. In a way, I've been depressed, on and off, for nearly half my life. That's a great fucking life, right there.

Not that long ago I was reflecting on the meds and how I probably would've had better use for them today than back then. Still, I don't really want to resort to medicine to fix things (even though that may be one of very few options).

Recently, in the last few weeks, I've started to feel a little better. I've been more happy and talkative than I have in several years. Feels kinda great, actually. The reason is, again, because of a girl. A woman, I suppose I should say - I'm getting fucking old..

Having depression is getting fucking old.

Talking to her have been really nice though, and have brought smiles I've rarely seen before (both hers and mine, and hers will melt a frozen heart). I don't know where this road leads, but I'm glad I ended up on it...

..I finally speak, and out comes one stupid joke after another.

I'm not kidding; if you've talked to me, chances are I tried to be funny. I know that I'm not funny, but I don't seem to know when to stop talking..... And then you walk away, thinking wtf is wrong with me. I walk the other way, thinking the same thing.

Socially Awkward Penguin, I am you.

I got the idea for this comic some week back when my back was hurting more than usual.

Yep.

Having a back (and a sore one at that) sucks on so many levels...

Some days I feel a bit like this cactus, but without the random passer-by's...

I'm concidering a slightly more vegetarian diet. I wouldn't (read: couldn't) cut back on meat completely, there's too much taste-sensations at steak there.........no pun intended, much.

In all seriousness though, it would be for health reasons, although the reasons themselves are not huge. At least not yet, I suppose.

It's not all that often, but now and then after I've eaten meat I can feel my intestines cringe, like (mildly) cramping. I'm guessing I'm either not chewing enough or my body's getting worse at digesting meat. Which would be a bit alarming, but probably not all that surprising. But it's not too late to change, right?

And actually, another reason would be that vegetables are fucking tasty.

I don't see myself being picky about animal products as such, eggs and milk for instance. Can't really live without them. Remember this is just to make myself feel better physically. If I have to beat up a cow now and then, so be it.

Day 2 was actually wednesday two weeks ago, but nothing exciting happened (so I didn't bother writing anything). There were no driving, just a day full of theoretic stuff. We did a small test to see how much of the information we had picked up. Most of us did good. We all went home to practice some more though, in preparation for the big final day.

Day 3 (today) was rather awesome. Started out with the usual, casual cup of tea (the others had coffee, branding me 'tea-man') before we did the final test. I dunno if it was the tea that did it, but I got through and managed to score enough points to win myself a certificate. Sweetness, thank you very much!

Yay me! ＼（＾ ＾）／

I hardly slept anything last night. I was really fucking anxious about today. First time in a long while I felt this way. Ugh, I hate it.

As soon as I got to work, all those feelings were gone. Worried sick for nothing. Fuck you, imbecile body.

So, yeah. A while ago someone at work asked if I wanted a forklift certificate. I said yes. I mean who wouldn't, right? All expenses paid and all that shit. Sweet deal. The place i work at isn't all of an asshole. Mostly though, but not all.

The "tutoring" (dunno what it's called exactly) wasn't held at work, but instead five of us had to cram up in a small Golf (I swear, my back's gonna hurt forever) and drive for about an hour. Bleh.

Once there we were greeted with coffee (and for me, tea) before taking the lifts for a spin. We had some good times driving them back and forth, practicing various maneuvers. I did pretty good for my first time driving (to the point where the tutor-guy didn't believe I had never used a lift before in my life, hur hur).

We're heading back tomorrow, but there'll be no driving, only "schoolwork". Technical stuff..

This is good fun, I'm happy I agreed to go. And it'll help me get a better job in the future. :]

Towards the end of July of this year I preordered a book from Amazon with a delivery estimate of today (Dec 4th). The book is Jimi's Workbook of Japanese: A Motivating Method to Learn Japanese - I figured I'd buy a "children's book" to help me with learning Japanese.

Now, the other day I received a mail from Amazon which read "Dear Customer, We're still trying to obtain the following item[s] you ordered [...]"

Wtf? Wasn't the book just due for release, how can you have run out already? And shouldn't I have had a pretty good shot at getting one, as I ordered it quite a while ago?

Sucks a bit, because my Japanese "lessons" have somewhat halted, and I was looking forward to this book being a sort of "kick off" to start studying again. :(